As I punch the risen dough, the phone rings. I turn my headset volume up, toss the dough on the counter, and answer.

In my nearly two decades as a telephonic Tagalog interpreter, I’ve learned to foresee a looming crisis just by tracking the frequency of certain calls. A flurry of bankruptcy cases preceded the great recession of 2008. That March, an uptick in COVID-related calls signaled that despite the naysayer in the White House, the pandemic was well underway.

Because I work from home, I can do chores while taking calls on my headset—although baking is really less a chore than a grounding ritual. It is easy, quiet, and above all, calming. I read somewhere that yeast was a kind of virus, just like COVID-19. This one leads to bread, that one, to death.

With the virus raging, I’ve been stress baking every week since March just to stay sane.

“Hello, this is Maria your Filipino interpreter. How can I help?”

The voice on the other end of the line introduces himself as Dr. Smith. I don’t know Dr. Smith, or any of the clients who call me for interpretation, but for the duration of this call, I will be the prime link between him and his patient.

“I need to give you a heads up,” he says, explaining that Consuelo, the patient he is calling about, is 87 and suffering from COVID pneumonia. “Her condition is worsening and we must discuss treatment options,” he tells me. “It may be difficult.”

“I understand,” I say.

“Difficult” doesn’t faze me. I’ve helped Filipinos get through thousands of difficult conversations: 9-1-1 calls, domestic violence reports, court trials, deportation hearings. I find the words they need to get through the ordeal.

A peach galette. Courtesy of Marivi Soliven.

There was the schizophrenic man calling the suicide hotline about angels hovering above a Home Depot on Thanksgiving night; the woman telling a detective she’d been dragged from the house by her hair; the son explaining in a bankruptcy hearing that he’d maxed out a credit card to pay for his father’s chemotherapy. “Difficult” is a daily part of my job.

Interpreters are like AC adapters for words, transforming English into other languages and back again. My biggest challenge is remaining neutral when conversations become fraught. With the onset of COVID-19, such conversations have multiplied.

A door whooshes open, and I hear a loud hum punctuated by beeps. It sounds like Consuelo is in a negative pressure room and is depending on machines to keep her alive. If this were Manila in the before times, I’d hear the laughter of relatives bringing adobo from home and gossiping over the telenovela playing on the hospital TV. But Consuelo is in the COVID section of the intensive care unit, where doctors and nurses don masks, gloves, and Tyvek suits, where visitors are forbidden. I wonder how long she’s been alone with the machines.

I’m grateful at least that the call began in the middle of my stress-baking routine. I shape the dough into a rectangle, and take comfort in the scent of yeast and butter. Dr. Smith cannot control his virus, but this yeast does as I please. When I expect it to lift the dough, it does.

“Hello, Consuelo, how are you feeling?” Dr. Smith says.

“Gandang araw po Consuelo kumusta po kayo?” I interpret his greeting, but add the honorific po because the doctor sounds too casual in how he’s addressing an elderly woman. Offering respect generally soothes an anxious patient.

“I’m OK.” Consuelo’s voice quivers. She doesn’t sound OK.

“Unfortunately, you’re not getting better.” I convey Dr. Smith’s tone of concern as I interpret, knowing this is where the bad news begins. “You’re on the maximum amount of oxygen, but you need even more. We have to intubate you.”

It’s a struggle to keep my voice steady. Early in the pandemic, a couple I knew in Manila caught COVID. Both were intubated. Only Kenny survived.

“No. You will not put a tube in my throat.” Consuelo sounds shaky but resolute.

“But your daughter has power of attorney, ma’am. She makes decisions now.” I interpret for Dr. Smith, softening his retort with a conciliatory po.

“Naku—not when I say no.” Consuelo pushes him away as easily as I push at my dough. “My daughter will not contradict me.”

As I interpret back and forth, I begin to sound as aggravated as Consuelo, which isn’t good. But since seamless interpretation requires me to speak in the first person, it’s hard not to mirror her pique.

Dr. Smith persists. “See how fast and shallow you are breathing? Your poor heart is working harder for oxygen. If it collapses from stress, we may not be able to save you.”

I’m not surprised to hear Dr. Smith plead. Consuelo sounds like the women in my family. Their stubbornness could stop a tank in its tracks.

“Doc, I’m old enough to be your grandmother. I know what’s best for me and what’s more, I believe in miracles.” I suppress a smile as I interpret, wondering if the good doctor is a man of faith.

Then she declares “Araw araw ako’y nagdadasal sa Panginoon, hindi niya ako pababayaan—”

“Every day I pray to God. He will not forsake me,” and my own voice cracks as I translate. How many times had my own grandmother said this, as cancer sucked her life away 25 years ago?

“I believe in miracles, too,” Dr. Smith says. “But unless we intubate, your lungs could fail, and your heart and other organs will follow.”

Consuelo falls silent. The hum and beep of machines fill the quiet. How do you respond when a doctor says you’re dying?

“Your daughter wants me to do everything possible to keep you alive. But as your doctor I’ll do what you want, even if I have to fight your family.”

Lemon braided bread. Courtesy of Marivi Soliven.

I fuss over my dough, trying to keep its edges straight and neat as this call becomes increasingly messy. Nevertheless, my hands shake as I sprinkle cheese. I know Dr. Smith can’t win. If Consuelo’s family is like mine, they will rage, weep, beg him to reconsider.

“I’d rather die than live with a tube in my throat.” Consuelo declares. “Pués—can I go home now to spend my last days with family?”

As I interpret Consuelo’s plea, my own throat tightens. I already know the answer to this one.

“I’m sorry, we can’t discharge you. You’re so contagious, we don’t even allow visitors. The nurse will set up a Facetime call. It’s the best we can do.”

Consuelo coughs, a jagged, deep-in-the-chest noise that goes on forever, and suddenly I’m 27 again, it’s midnight, and I’m home with my grandmother in Manila. The night nurse wakes me, panicking because grandma, weakened by years of colon cancer, is choking on her own spit. My aunt comes in a taxi and piles us into the back seat, grandma squeezed between us. As we speed to the hospital Tita Mercy chants aloud, “Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death…”

Grandma died at dawn, surrounded by her nine children. But Consuelo? I see her shrink into her pillow, breathless at the thought of her remaining days, one long hour folding into the other, slipping away to a solitary end.

“Ingat po kayo, take care.” I whisper goodbye. If only I could reach through the phone and hug her.

I never find out what happens to Consuelo.

The calls multiply in the coming months: I conduct contact tracing interviews with a family who lost a father to COVID; file unemployment for an infected nurse; read the Lord’s Prayer to an ICU patient. The more distressing the conversation, the more urgently Filipinos cling to my voice over the phone.

“Ganito ba talaga, ate?” Is this how it’s going to be, older sister? my fellow immigrants say, automatically addressing me as kin. This is how Filipinos cope when we are frightened or confused: we create familial bonds even when there are none. After some calls I find it impossible to continue, yet it is impossible to stop. So, each day, I summon the words they need to survive this plague, and cling to my dough.

I make the pineapple upside down cake that was a childhood staple in Manila; recreate the banana bread I baked weekly as a preschool teacher; move on to babkas, chocolate-drizzled carrot cakes, lemon tarts, cinnamon rolls. Since I don’t like sweets, I give most of what I make to elderly friends stuck alone at home. The half-hour walk to bring them my baked goods at day’s end becomes yet another calming routine.

Even then I’m so stressed, I crack a molar from grinding my teeth in my sleep.

When Biden wins the election, hope begins to flicker, faint as the pilot light in my oven. Then vaccinations begin mid-December, and I feel that hope grow into a steady flame.

I remember Consuelo when I translate for another feisty Filipina in the new year. Luz is getting the COVID vaccine today. When I say it may give her a fever, she is undaunted.

“Salamat sa Diyos,” Luz sings, gratitude to God. The miracle is happening for her. I know it will happen for the rest of us, so I remind myself to be patient and wait for my next loaf to rise.

Editor’s note: All the patients’ names have been changed to protect their privacy, in accordance with HIPAA regulations.

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When schools here in Fresno County and across California closed to protect students from COVID-19, I was a senior at Coalinga High School. It has about 1,200 students, and I know many of them, because I tried to make use of every single minute of my high school career. I’ve had some special challenges in life, so I’ve been careful to make academic plans a year in advance and follow those plans carefully. School is incredibly important for my life, my future, and my family’s future.

When I was younger, my brothers, sisters, and I were taken out of our family by Child Protective Services. We grew up in the court system. I was fascinated by the attorney who handled our case in court. She listened to us and then decided how to represent our interests. The experience made me want to educate myself so I can become a lawyer and a voice for the unrepresented.

That’s why I’ve involved myself in more than a dozen extracurricular activities including the Associated Student Body, School Site Council, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, the California Scholarship Federation, and perhaps most important of all, Mock Trial, a competition where I handled a fake court case in front of a judge and real lawyers. I’ve taken college classes, visited UCLA, and attended camps to develop my skills in arguing and advocacy. I’ve found I have a talent for trials.

I also made a point of enrolling in six Advanced Placement classes to prepare me for college, boost my GPA, and provide college credits, which will save me money when I head off to university. In my senior year, I decided to take AP classes in English, and Government and Politics, and also enroll and study for the AP Spanish test on my own, because the actual class didn’t fit my schedule.

Taking AP classes helps you develop self-discipline and challenge yourself to see things from a broader perspective. It also means you’re surrounded with teachers and students who support you and are ecstatic about learning. Teachers and staff at Coalinga High have fostered a safe environment and gone above and beyond to help students succeed, at school, at home, and in life. That support makes you want to work harder. My fellow students and I never missed class; if one was sick, we’d FaceTime in. We also embraced other challenges; starting in the summer of 2016, I took classes at my local community college. That means I’ve already completed my “transferables”—the courses you need to transfer from a community college to a UC campus or another four-year school.

As the spring semester began, my plan was on course. I was accepted to my dream school, UCLA. Then we heard about a pandemic.

School ended mid-semester in March, and there was no time for a proper goodbye to teachers and students. We all went home, unaware of what was to come. We also left school empty-handed, with no work plan. School just ended in the middle of the sentence.

In the meantime, our teachers suggested that we review our own materials or visit educational websites, such as Khan Academy.

At first, I responded like a teenager, treating this as a vacation from schoolwork and an excuse to stay up late. But as the weeks went by, and the virus spread, I recognized I needed to keep studying. AP tests would still be given online, and I still had to go to college in the fall.

Bringing a structure into our home has been the most difficult task. I live with my mother and my stepfather, but they both have to work long days. So I had to create a schedule, and a place to study and work, for myself and for my four siblings, ages 15, 10, 9, and 8.

After a few weeks of experimenting, I arrived at this arrangement. I sat at the kitchen table and set up my laptop so I could study. I got my brother and three sisters all beside me, on their iPads, and had them reading as much as possible, working on math games, and watching science videos.

Alizé in her Class of 2020 jacket. Courtesy of Alizé Basulto Ibarra.

My biggest concern as an older sister as this went on was that they’d return to school and be one of the kids who fell behind their classmates. My sister, 15 and a freshman in high school, found it hard to study math at home, without a teacher, so I made it a point to spend extra time with her. My younger siblings soak up information like sponges; so as long as they had the information at their fingertips and were doing their work, they would learn well. This arrangement went on for six weeks.

The school only started its official distance learning in May, two months after the break started. Its arrival created new frustrations for me. The platforms for distance learning are very difficult to navigate; they are closed systems. Each sibling attends a different school, and there was no easy or direct way of entering each school’s website. It was a long process just to sign in to each site, and then navigate through four or four or five different tabs just to find my siblings’ work.

It took me a ton of time, energy, and stress to help my siblings navigate their schoolwork. Often it was hard to understand what the teachers were looking for, and what it meant to do an assignment well. The schools did provide computers and other electronics, but those devices came with restrictions that made it hard to access all the websites that my siblings needed to complete their work.

I encountered some issues in my own schooling as well. Certain classes were on distance learning while others were on Google Classroom. Still, at Coalinga High, I was fortunate to have counselors who did everything they could to resolve these problems, while putting up videos that showed us how to navigate the online lessons. Teachers started up AP classes over Zoom, and I took my three AP exams on May 11, 13, and 22, without much trouble.

But it was much easier for me—a senior who knew all the classes and teachers—than it was for my freshman sister, who had a harder time figuring out how to get what she needed. And while I was nearly done with high school, she was just getting started.

None of us will get to make up the time or the lessons of this spring, or experience the milestones and make the memories that we missed out on. I fear that my siblings will be behind not only on work, but on skills we need. This time may make it hard for kids of our generation to build a strong foundation and thrive. Will some lose out on the opportunity to go to college as a result?

As I write this, I’m readying for graduation. All major events were canceled. The school community is looking into having some kind of modified prom or graduation.

Usually in the summer I take classes at UC Berkeley, Fresno State, or UCLA, but this year those have been canceled. So I intend to keep the job that I have working in fast food. And I hope that in the fall, I’ll be able to go to UCLA, in person, and not at a distance.

The post When COVID Came to Coalinga High, ‘School Just Ended in the Middle of the Sentence’ appeared first on Zócalo Public Square.